She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
