Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
cat food counts as protein by the way
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
