i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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