on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
