Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
