what if every blade of grass was a penis?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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