My hair reeks of homosexuality.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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