Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
