My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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