The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
