I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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