I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
