you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
