I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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