Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
