I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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