As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
