he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
