she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
