I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
