If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
