Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
