The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
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