mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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