it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
