dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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