he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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