Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
