Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
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