I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
