worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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