Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
