Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
