weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
This is the high leading the old right now
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
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