Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
