do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Just pee around me
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
