i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
