We named our party play list daddy issues
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.