I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
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I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
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literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.