Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!