After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Randomize
