I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.