I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
