Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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