We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
