I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
