Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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