After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
