at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
