i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
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