I think scott just propositioned me for sex
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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