he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
