The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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