Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize