Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
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