four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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