you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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