I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
