Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
my sisters under your porch take her home
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
You know, be my cock's hype man.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
