This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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