But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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