He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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