we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
