Kiss
Puke
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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