"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
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This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
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Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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