you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
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then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
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I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
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