In the future we'll all be gay
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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