Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
