Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
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