I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
