Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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