I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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