You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
