Pappa wants mamma naked
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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