I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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