don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
