I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
