help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
