She just used a chaser for red wine.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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