im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
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