Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
