We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
