he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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